Just in case I get the notion

Now they call me Katie Cruel.

I just want him.
like, I don’t even need to date him.
I’d be content just hanging out.
truthfully.
 

i’m getting ansy.  

gravity.

I’m going to try and explain something.

but it’s not going to work.

so i’m going to contemplate scenarios in my head.

and maybe someday it will happen.

but for now, i’m going to just leave it as this.

It makes my day to see you. I haven’t felt like this before, not even towards tyler.

my heart becomes a jack rabbit, and it races at full speed. 

i don’t know how this’ll ever work.

but please, if anything good ever happens to me.

let it be this.

oh god.

I still wake up crying, from having a nightmare that Lady died, half awake being relieved knowing I can still go over and see Lady upstairs.

But I can’t.

And I never will be able to.

And it’s worse then the nightmare.

I can’t believe I’m still having the dreams, that they’re still going on..  

Baby, even the birds are tied to the sky, we aren’t all free, hell, but if the strings can just touch, let’s stretch it till it breaks and we must make a new level.

If we all don’t take cover, then we’re all going to fall back in love again.

Valentines Day.
The most wonderful day of the year, full of laughs and love and lost virginity’s.. well that is if you have a ‘Valentine.’
If this tumblr continues to last throughout the years, and if people actually read it, and if people have finally realized how ridiculous this holiday is, I will explain to you what a Valentine is.

A Valentine is when you have someone who wants to spend the evening with you. This may lead to sexual intercourse or just have friends having a good laugh.
But my dear friends, only about 40% of the population under 25 have, a Valentine. And therefore, this holiday has also been known as ‘Singles awareness Day.’
Stupid hey?

Anyway, my Valentines day, as always started out with optimism, I look forward to it every year, and I don’t know why. I hope HEY MAYBE I’LL EVEN JUST GO FOR A WALK WITH SOMEONE!
yeah, as you can tell, it never happens, so then my day continues on till after school, or the evening, and yet no one has done anything, and likewise myself.
So i go home disappointed and heavy hearted, and I attempt to boycott tv, but end up giving up and watch Valentines day specials with my cats.
It sucks.



If you have enough money.. you can buy love. 

You can get addicted to a certain type of sadness.

Someday.
Someday I’ll tell someone, anyone everything.
I’ll find a stranger on the street in a strange city and spill my heart to them and then never see them again.
One day, I’ll go back to the way I was.
And I’ll tell someone every thought, expression, memory and feeling that I’ve ever felt.
I’ll write a journal, and hide it, and when I die, they will find it, and everyone will know everything.
Nothing will be kept in the shadows.
And they will weep for the person they thought they knew, and dread that person that they did not know.  
And those who have seen glimpses will finally feel as if they’re read the true story of my mind.
And then, I’ll be well. 

cowgirls don’t cry.

Her daddy gave her, her first pony
Then taught her to ride
She climbed high in that saddle
Fell I don’t know how many times
Taught her a lesson that she learned
Maybe a little too well

Cowgirls don’t cry
Ride, baby, ride
lessons of life are going to show you in time
soon enough your gonna know why
it’s gonna hurt every now and then
if you fall get back on again
Cowgirls don’t cry


My grandpa isn’t very healthy right now.. And i’m worried.
You know that rock you have in your family? The one person who always knows what to do? That invincible being?
That’s my grandpa.. And now he’s not right.  
We don’t know the full story, but the doctors say to wait till sometime this week, and then they’ll see him. I think thursday.
I’m scared, that they won’t be able to help.
And the strongest man I know will slowly deteriorate. 
And all I’ll have left of him is Salem and memories.
I love him so much, he’s who I look up to.

Phone rang early one morning
Her momma’s voice, she’d been crying
Said it’s your daddy, you need to come home
This is it, I think he’s dying
She laid the phone down by his head
The last words that he said

Cowgirl don’t cry
Ride, baby, ride
Lessons of life show us all in time
Too soon God lets you know why
If you fall get right back on
Good Lord calls everybody home
Cowgirl don’t cry

Did you know, that for almost a whole year in total, i was happy?

I looked forward to my life and who my friends where and who i would get to see.

Did you know, that for almost 6 months, I haven’t been happy?

I’ve been trying.
I’ve been hoping and everything.
And i’ve been chasing reasons that other people are happy and trying to make it my own.

I’ve gotten to the point, where i’m perfectly content alone.

But i’m not.
i miss that year.


I miss the happiness.